Where's Alexa part 2

I want to update just a bit.  Right now I'm finding it very difficult to write about whats going on with Alexa.  Writing has been very therapeutic for me, however sometimes it makes everything much more real.  I cant seem to gather my thoughts, and put them down on paper lately.  So I'm going to give a very brief update, and post a bunch of pictures.



Alexa in pain

Alexa has been on a very difficult road since her surgery in April.  She developed an abdominal infection, which we think was introduced to her during her surgery.  We have had many ups and downs with her since then.  To the point where we were thinking we were having to say our good byes.  Alexa was needing oxygen almost continually, and was in so much pain...  Pain...  She at times has cried continually through out the day and night.  The pain cry...  Seeing my baby shake from pain, being unable to move, and looking at me begging me to fix it.  I feel so helpless during these times.  It's not right that she be in that much pain.  Sometimes it all gets to be to much for me.  I find myself escaping when the nurses are here so I dont have to continually here my daughter cry and not be able to fix it. 

Kevin and I have started talking about the time we have left with her.  This is a very sad and hard thing to accept.  We've talked about how we need to make the time we have with her count.  Quality vs quantity.  I've come to realize that sometime in the past 2 years we started just making it by day to day.  Our focus was on getting through one bad day or period to just start all over again the next.  WE need to start living each moment like its our last.  So cliche I know, but very true. We have to stop focusing on all the things we cant change and start enjoying what we are given.  Which is two amazing beautiful little girls our gifts.  WE want to be able to look back on this time as time well spent.  If that means just cuddling with Alexa and reading her a story or visiting the pet store because she loves animals thats what we need to do.  No, we do not have a lot of money right now, and yes our lives have taking a drastic turn from where we were financially before to where we are now.  That stuff doesnt really matter.  I want to look back on this time with no regret.  I dont want to be feeling like I should of spent more time with her just being with her is enough sometimes.  I dont know if that all makes sense, but it has given us a fair amount of peace about things.

Now I'm not saying we ignore the other things going on in our lives.  Finances are important... I actually just got a part time job (I dont know when I start though), this should help.  Also there are times when I just need to cry.  I've come to accept that this is needed, and it's OK to cry.  I just cant be sad all the time.  Anyway thats all for now.  Just please pray for our sweet baby, and that the doctors can find a way to help control her pain a little better.  Here are a few pictures of our lives recently.