The following was written last week. For some reson I thought I had posted it. I will have another update soon with details of Ali's surgery and recovery.
Alexa is getting over a few difficult weeks. She had a really bad spell there for a while, where it looked like she was taking a turn, but shes pulling herself out of it. It has been a few weeks of sleepless nights as we've been needing to suction her more, and she has been having a lot more pain and discomfort at night. Her alarms with her apnea and bradycardia dont seem to be slowing down either. Alexa had an event on Monday not exactly sure what to call it but we believe it was a seizure. We were on our way to Springfield for an appoinment (yes this is over 2 hrs away, what are we thinking), anyway we had our nurse in the car. Alexa made a funny sounding noise, and I looked back at her and she was slumped forward in her seat pale as can be. I said to the nurse does she look alright to you? She said, she just looks really tired, but to me she seemed off. I looked back again and her eyes were fluttering in her head and she was not responsive when I was calling her name. I immediately started pulling over to the breakdown lane, and when we got there she vomitted and seemed to snap out of it. This didnt last that long maybe a minute - minute and a half, but it was very scary. She was very fatigued the rest of the day and the following day.
On Tuesday we went to Children's for Alexa's repeat swallow eval, which was a complete bust as she wasnt cooperative at all. She did take one sip of nectar thickened water and seemed to be able to handle it ok, but it wasnt a very good test. We also had her pre-op appt. that day. They almost canceled her surgery because of the seizure episode. What a big ordeal this was. The anasthesiologists are very anxious with Alexa going under especially since they will be working on so many different systems. We ended up having to get clearance from all her docs, the cardiac anasthesiologist, the director of pre-op, and her autonomic doctor had to come down and examine her. BUT... we have the green light for surgery on Tuesday. We got the call today that her bloodwork came back and she is clear for Tuesday morning. I have to say I wasnt nervous before this appt but am a bit more so now after seeing how anxious they all were. This one appointment lasted nearly 4 hrs and we had yet to get bloodwork. This was a very long day. Fortunately I had one of Alexa's nurses with me and that seemed to help the day go by faster. We were able to get a nice walk in. It was great when we were in the appointments because she was able to watch Alexa while I spoke to the doctors. She was also able to listen in which is nice because on the car ride home I had someone to bounce things off of.
It seems like lately we are just going day to day. Some days are wonderful many are bad. I feel like sometimes my emotions have a difficult time keeping up with everything. I wish I was able to treasure every moment without that cloud hanging over us. Sometimes I find myself tearing up when its a happy moment. Whats up with that? Why cant I just sit back and enjoy it while its happening. Its like my brain has this horrible little happy countdown going. I dont ever want to reach that quota. On the other hand I'm hyper aware of every moment with Alexa. I'm blessed because I'm able to notice these moments when they are happening.
This week Kevin and I will be celebrating 9 yrs of marriage... Holy cow, thats a long time! I'm so in love with my best friend and I cant imagine going through this journey with anyone else. He's my shoulder, my strength and as he would say my better half. Our relationship works because we are able to equalize eachother. On my down days he is able to pull me up or just be there when I need him. I like to think I'm able to be his strength and comfort when he needs it as well. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by the love of my wonderful husband and beautiful girls.\\\\
I really love how you recap all that is going on and also for sharing all your emotions. This is such an emotional ordeal for all of you and it is so good that you acknowledge all the emotions you have. I hope Kevin does the same. It must be a comfort for you to have your nurse accompany you on these trips. God Bless You All. Love, Mom B.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything is okay. I continue to keep y'all in my prayers
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